Today we’d like to introduce you to Matthew Reynolds.
Hi Matthew, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
One of my biggest struggles was allowing myself to show up as my most significant and brightest self. What held me back was the situations I faced growing up that made me feel a loss of love and connection with my fellow human. These situations caused me to create thoughts and feelings that took me to a place of darkness and formed a shadow that seeped into my thoughts and caused me to shrink back from my brilliance. I became angry at many misunderstandings, mistreatments, and the disregard that I faced. Moments of miscommunication and misunderstanding formed a larger wedge between me and a neighbor or fellow human. I began to live my day-to-day life in survival mode and tried my best not to believe the status quo and the ideas it had of me. I tried my best not to be indoctrinated in that way of thinking. I had to go through my process of discovering love, building belonging, and helping others build belonging. I began this work by crafting my equity lens and assisting others to do the same.
We are here to live our truth and love our lives. Our journey to being our brightest selves may not have always been supportive, loving, or engaging. We may have faced situations that brought out our shadows and disbelief in humanity and love. We created thoughts and lived a life that caused us to shrink back or lash out in anger or misunderstanding. We grew up wondering why we faced so many moments of misunderstanding with people who we liked, enjoyed spending time with, or wanted to get to know better. This made us feel separated from our neighbors and even ourselves. I am crafting a world of love and belonging by standing fully in my truth as a builder, active listener, servant of humanity, and supporter of youth by modeling accountability, integrity, respect, responsibility, and unconditional love so that we all might help humanity be its most significant, most whole, and brightest.
Would it have been a smooth road, and if not, what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
I am the fourth child of six, son of Glenda Lou Sorrells and Emanuel Reynolds Jr. From my mother, I am Irish, German, and Swedish. My father was the second generation out of slavery; some would call him African American, and he would call himself a Black man. My parents met almost a decade before the Loving V. Virginia Supreme Court decision. My mother was kicked out of her house and disowned by her family for dating a Black man, my father. They began the trek north, where things were supposed to be better for an interracial couple such as themselves. This was not true for their six kids, and for all intents and purposes, it wasn’t for them either. I started fighting when I was three years old. My mother taught us four older kids that if anyone called us the n-word, we were to respond with a punch in the mouth. I saw my mother respond this way on several occasions for something less than the n-word. When I got into that fight, I started a conversation with my parents about moving out of the cities, Minneapolis, and into the country. My father wanted his TV repair shop, and my mother enjoyed her garden, just like when she grew up. We moved to Isanti, MN. At the time, it was a population of around 1500; we were the only minority family until I reached the 8th grade. So it began, more fighting. From the age of 3-4, I fought at least three times a week, and sometimes all five days at school, with the occasional fight on the weekends when we were still living in town. “Friends” would be playing with my older brother and me; they would lose a game, and out would pop the n-word, and out would come my fists. It was tiring.
This continued through the 8th grade. I came out at twelve while fishing along the Rum River with my friend. “I think I have a crush on your older brother?” Response, “I think that is just a phase. You’ll get over it.” It’s funny that a twelve-year-old would have that response. My father told me that same thing years later in his only attempt to have a conversation with me about my sexuality. My father didn’t handle his internalized racial oppressions well at all. He is what I would call your typical “50’s” father; he put a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food on the table. That was what he did, and that is all he did. He never asked how I was doing, nor did he attend any of my school events, conferences, etc., until my senior year. I am unsure about my three siblings, who are older than me, and if he attended any of their things, I will ask them. He also was physically and mentally abusive towards me. I was lazy, a liar, a troublemaker, disrespectful, and, in my judgment, too much like my mother. I would be struck by his hand, with an extension cord and yardstick, asked to cut a switch from the bush in the backyard, and all of this while he reeked of alcohol. Yeah, he didn’t have any resources to call upon to talk about being a Black man in love with a White woman, living in rural America, in the North. It took me years to get to understand this, and yet he died before I had the knowledge and courage to talk with him about any of this; plus, I was going through my shit. By the time I graduated high school, I had tried to take my own life three times.
Today, I can say that I am glad I am still here. I was so excited to get to college so that I could be around more Black folks and Queer folks. Sadly, that was all shattered rather quickly. You see, I was too “white” for the Black people that I met, “You talk white! You dress in white! You sure you don’t want to be white?” The Gay community wasn’t any better, I didn’t know anything at all about the queer subculture, and that meant I was an outsider. I had nowhere to belong, and after all the shit that I went through growing up, I couldn’t handle this too. This is when I first concluded that I would create my place of belonging. A place where I can bring all aspects of me to the table, room, trip, life! What could I build with this life of mine if the world around me lovingly supported all of me? What could I achieve? How would I thrive? Little did I know then that I was formulating my philosophy of education and what would govern my classrooms, writing, and purpose in life.
I appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
Growing up, I realized quickly that I didn’t “belong” in many of the spaces I found myself in, either from racism and homophobia or an abusive father in my home. This upbringing caused me to find ways to mask myself from the pain these moments of being called the n-word or f-word caused, coupled with the abuse at home. It shaped who I am today because I took those hardships and learned from them.
Now, I help others, no matter what the hardship or none, become their most significant, whole, and brightest. Let me give you some more context. When we take time out of our day to shield ourselves from hurt and not trust ourselves, we take away from our full potential. We are not allowing our purpose to be realized in this lifetime. If I understood what some of the trials, snags in the road, or whisperings of self-doubt were going to be to reach my full potential, would I ever even try? The shock/surprise of these things helps us to honor our First Attempt In Learning (F.A.I.L.). It keeps us humble, not in a hostile place of not deserving to be our biggest, fullest, and brightest, but where I can offer others insight, knowledge, and wisdom without compensation expectations.
As I sit here typing this out, my thought process allows me to go beyond the limitations of the status quo. Indoctrination into any culture can limit an individual’s potential, especially if that culture has expectations of loyalty to them instead of integrity with oneself, as I see your furrowed brow. Let me explain this more. If I choose to be loyal to a friend, even though I know what they are asking me to keep a secret is harmful to themselves, am I truly a friend? If I stay within integrity to myself, I will tell the friend that what they are doing is harmful to their health. I can then help them and get them the help they need. Loyalty limits the full expression of self because you must always consider the “other” in your choices/decisions. Clear as mud?
“Closed mouth doesn’t get fed,” my mama always said. The world around you will not know it isn’t allowing you to be you unless you fully tell it. Standing up for your ideas, knowing that it doesn’t matter if others believe you but that you respect them when they stand up for their ideas, is critical to crafting a world of full potential, belonging, and unconditional love. Some people want to tear others down; it makes them feel something. For the most part, though, others that we wish to blame for us not asking for what we want/need do not wake up and think, “You know what, I am going to mess up Pat’s day today just because I can.” Get over yourself; most of the time, others are not thinking of us this way. Keep moving forward.
We, as humans, can be so much more—more in the sense of inner potential coming forward and into the world. The “magic” we were cultivating when we were more connected to this planet and all its wonders are not gone. We have been forced and have willingly gone down a path that doesn’t support us evolving into our biggest, fullest, and brightest. If all of me was lovingly supported, I could be telepathic, heal myself and others, focus my energy on connecting the universe with other beings, and see how they live. Far-fetched, you say? A bit crazy? Is it, though? We don’t know because we have yet to allow it to happen.
“The young think that failure is the Siberian end of the line, banishment from all the living, and tend to do what I then did – which was to hide.” James Baldwin
Perfectionism feeds shame for so many of us; if it isn’t perfect, there is something wrong with me. This also tends to lend itself to what we define “success” as. As we attempt something new, experience something different from our norm, and go into the world wanting a change, these shadow dwellers, perfectionism, and success keep us from the rich, fertile learnings that come from failing. We only take time to self-reflect on what kept us from achieving and returning repeatedly once we learn what we were after. As Baldwin says, we hide. Hide from ourselves makes us not want to be seen as a “failure” by those who uphold these ideas of perfectionism or project their definitions of success upon us. YOU ARE WORTHY ENOUGH TO FAIL!
Dig into that learning. I remember when I first started color guard. There was a particular toss called a helicopter. Now, this was super scary because the idea was to toss the flag above your head so that it rotated parallel to the ground like a helicopter blade. Then, as it came down, rotating, you caught it as it wrapped around your face and into your waiting hands in front of your eyes while keeping your feet planted in the same spot, rooted. Hundreds of these were tossed by me, with much swearing, until I started even to catch them, let alone see them parallel to the ground. And yet the payoff was the crowds cheering and screaming when we as a team tossed all together, flags rotating at the same height and speed, to be simultaneously caught by every one of us. I would have never gotten to that point if I didn’t have someone watching, coaching, and supporting me at every toss, “A little more rotation! Flick the wrist more! Release higher! Release lower!” Keep trying because, with every failure, you grow stronger. Don’t duck and hide from it; stand firm, fleet planted, and try again, and again, and again. I am grateful that I have taken adversity, processed its toxicity, and transmuted it into living my purpose. I am now giving back to others by sharing my story and helping them to share theirs.
How do you think about luck?
Luck has nothing to do with my life and business. If we open ourselves up to the universe’s energies, we will see that we are wealth, abundance, and joy. There is plenty for all, and scarcity, greed, and a lack of belief in oneself hold us back from tapping into an “enough” mindset.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.mrrconsulting.org
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/matthewreynoldsconsulting?igshid=116q98slr2h65
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShiftingHumanity
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/matthew-reynolds-consulting-llc
- Twitter: https://x.com/MRRConsulting
- Other: http://patreon.com/mrr_consulting
