Carley Kammerer shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Good morning Carley, it’s such a great way to kick off the day – I think our readers will love hearing your stories, experiences and about how you think about life and work. Let’s jump right in? What are you chasing, and what would happen if you stopped?
Right now, I ‘m chasing my love of writing. It’s been a bit out of nowhere, but after my fiancé died unexpectedly last year, I found my voice again. I started writing and haven’t been able to stop. I’ve written thousands of words, and I think it’s what has gotten me through the last 12 months, which have been the worst of my life. This sounds dramatic, but I’ve always felt as if I stopped, I would die. And now, I think if I stopped, I’d be betraying myself. I’ve unlocked something inside of me that I love, and it’s leading me somewhere. I’m not sure yet, but I want to find out, so I’m following the thread. I’m not ready to give up on it.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m a social entrepreneur who has recently incorporated grief work into the mix through writing and speaking. I run Wildflyer Coffee, a nonprofit that employs youth experiencing homelessness, and have experienced the loss of my mom, my marriage, and most recently my fiancé in tandem with launching and running the company. I have experienced grief both personally and professionally and am finally combining it. Right now, my writing is focused on the last year of my life as I’ve healed from the loss of my fiancé, it’s centered on a series of essays titled “I’m Scared” that follow a list of experiences I’ve been checking off that I was scared to do without him. You can follow this journey on my Substack, “Big Arms, Big Issues.” My speaking engagements have focused on exploring how unhealed grief and trauma impact us as leaders and our agencies as a whole, and how we need to address and move through grief to lead better.
As I’ve struggled to return to my position as CEO after my leave ended this January, I sought out resources to help me and came up empty. I’ve been creating and sharing the resources I needed to lead a company while navigating my grief journey.
Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What was your earliest memory of feeling powerful?
When I was eight or nine, my family went to a pumpkin patch. My siblings and I stepped outside and surveyed the field. My dad told us we could each pick one to bring home. I found one that was huge, taller and broader than me, and I knew I had to have it. He said it was mine if I could get it to the car, assuming I never would. I spent the rest of that day rolling it out of the patch. I had to sit with my back against it, scrunch my feet up to my chest, and then extend them out, pushing against the pumpkin and getting it to roll a little way. I did this over and over until mud caked my hands, my hair fell out of my braid, and sweat soaked my clothing. I was wrecked when I finally made it out of the patch, but nothing beat that feeling of power knowing I had set my mind to something and accomplished a goal nobody thought I could.
When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
This past year. My life has held so much loss. My mom died when I was nineteen after a six-year battle with breast cancer. My first husband abruptly left our marriage when I was twenty-nine. My fiancé died unexpectedly last year when I was thirty-two. It’s been hard not to feel sorry for myself. I feel like I am drowning in grief. By launching my blog and business “Big Arms, Big Issues,” I reclaimed some of my power. I obtained my Grief Educator Certificate and started writing and speaking to share the truth about grief. It’s been beautiful to see people’s reactions. I wish I’d started speaking up years ago!
I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. What’s a belief you used to hold tightly but now think was naive or wrong?
I used to believe that life would turn out fairly. I’m a justice-oriented person, which’s why I’ve chosen this field of work. Unfair and unjust outcomes and situations frustrate me. I knew it wasn’t logical to believe this, and I wouldn’t have said it out loud, but deep down, I acted as if life would be fair to me, and I was continually surprised that bad things were happening to me. I had a hidden assumption that the good work I was doing at Wildflyer for my community should shield me from that. I’ve been working to accept that life isn’t fair. For whatever reason, bad people often get good things, while good people get bad things. It’s a hard truth, but fighting against it has only left me bitter and angry since my divorce in 2021, so I’m working on really accepting that reality now and believing life is working for me, not against me. It’s tough.
Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. Have you ever gotten what you wanted, and found it did not satisfy you?
I opened my business expecting it to make me happier than it did. I had dreamed about it for so long: a coffee shop to employ youth experiencing homelessness. The night we secured the final gift, which wrapped up our fundraising campaign and allowed us to move forward with plans to sign a lease, I had a complete meltdown. It was so strange. I assumed I’d be elated, but instead I felt hollow and empty. As if I had accomplished everything I’d wanted in life, and it meant nothing. I believe entrepreneurs harbor unspoken grief, often launching businesses in response to a negative life experience, such as trauma or loss, especially those in the social enterprise sphere. Opening a company doesn’t end up healing those experiences, though, and more often than not brings up other struggles. I’ve been learning that I expected too much from my business. I wanted it to heal my wounds, to love me back the way I loved it, to prove to me that I was enough, and to fill the need I have for accomplishment. These are all internal issues I need to heal; I won’t find the answers from a company.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://bigarmsbigissues.substack.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carley_kammerer/?hl=en
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carley-kammerer-10998399
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carley.kammerer
