Life, Values & Legacy: Our Chat with Mary Bue

We recently had the chance to connect with Mary Bue and have shared our conversation below.

Mary , a huge thanks to you for investing the time to share your wisdom with those who are seeking it. We think it’s so important for us to share stories with our neighbors, friends and community because knowledge multiples when we share with each other. Let’s jump in: When was the last time you felt true joy?
A few days ago, driving solo with music cranked and the windows down along the Rio Grande River north of Santa Fe towards Taos, when the sky opens up and the Sangre de Cristo mountain range appears, mysterious deep blues and purples and muted oranges, reds, and browns. Felt like freedom. I am so grateful to be here. And so grateful to be alive!

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Sitting here and really thinking about it, connection is the driving force of my work in music and yoga, as well as life in general. Connection with listeners, with students, on social media with my frequent vulnerable “oversharing,” and connection with this beautiful earth.

Since the late nineties, I’ve been writing intimate, soul-searching, lyrical songs that have spanned a few different genres from ethereal, melancholy piano-pop, to grunge-inspired indie rock, to a synthesis of pianos and guitars with lush production featuring incredible bandmates. This Febuary we released our 9th album “The Wildness of Living & Dying.”

Spiritual themes have always been at the forefront of my music, and during my college days (BAS Psychology 2003 from University of Minnesota – Duluth) got very into yoga philosophy. Persued a teacher training in Seattle (230 hour certification in 2009 from Whole Life Yoga), taught for a number of years after returning to Minnesota, opened (and closed) a small yoga studio called Imbue Yoga in Minneapolis (2016-2019), got certified at the 500 hour level at Yoga Center Retreat, where I connected with my master teacher and future business partner Tara Cindy Sherman. Started hosting retreats in November 2019, with my 2nd in Bali (in March 2020!! It happened but then the world shut down a week later …) Amidst it all, have hosted 22+ retreats around the world now both solo as well as with wonderful co-facilitators – like Tara and fine artist/professor Sarah Brokke – India, Italy, Bali, Malta, Mexico, Ireland, Taos, Ghost Ranch, Bayfield, Duluth, Grand Marais and most recently my third on Orcas Island.

in 2024, Tara and I launched our Registered Yoga School – Yojita Yoga – and we are offering our second 230 hour Yoga teacher certification program in January in person in St. Paul as well as on Zoom (Join us)! In Sanskrit, Yojita has many meanings, and Connection is one of them! Yoga means union & connection, and it is a deep honor to get to share these practices and philosophies with our students.

There is never a dull moment around here. Recently diagnosed with ADHD, I really have been struggling with narrowing down my focus (or focusing in general!) to keep all of these passions sustainable without burning out (also recovering from hospitalization with Lyme disease this past July). So deeply grateful to be finishing out the year in Taos, New Mexico as an Artist in Residence at The Helene Wurlitzer Foundation of New Mexico, attempting to slow down, write music and work on a memoir about healing from trauma through music, yoga philosophy, and radical self-compassion.

Appreciate your sharing that. Let’s talk about your life, growing up and some of topics and learnings around that. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
Sad to share that I’ve had a few massive friend breakups over the last few years. The ruptures came as shocks to me and had to do with misgivings that were never spoken about. These thoughts festered in secret and grew into big walls and when finally the moment came – a seemingly small conflict – it felt like a dam burst, a bomb exploded, and all of a sudden was faced with the information that this friend had been holding some judgement and anger at me for a long time … too long. This information broke the bond on my end, as the judgements regarded my charactor – my ethics, morality, rock and roll lifestyle, romantic tendencies. Stuff that I truly share like an open book for the most part. Perhaps I asked these people for help and advice too many times, but kept falling into old patterns until I learned. Perhaps I wasn’t as good of a friend as I thought I was, even though I really try to maintain loving friendships for the long term. I admit that I’m really, REALLY not perfect. I’m not a spiritual guru. I’m wouldn’t even claim to be “pure” as far as a yogic lifestyle goes. Many romantic relationships have left me in ruins and I have hard patterns to work through here. But. Vast and sweeping statements about my lifestyle and morality from people who I believed knew me best have created a lot of pain.

So – what can restore these bonds? I’m actually not sure. Time. Space. Reflection on both sides. And also, sometimes people grow in different directions. I think that seeking mutual respect is a good method of restoration, and if respect isn’t available, then more time and space is needed. Humility.

Ultimately, may we seek the friendships and connections that light us up, that support our work, that hold space for our raw messiness, that know that we aren’t perfect, that celebrate growth, that don’t compare traumas, that refrain from shaming. It’s hard to be a human. I choose to be around people who really want to be around me, and hopefully aren’t holding years of anger amidst welcoming my generosity, warmth, and friend-promotion. If you are my friend (or lover), I will pump you up, and I will – and have – poured SO much time, money, and love into people who, in the end, I guess I pissed them off and it festered. And – none of that love, money, or time was wasted (okay, maybe some money!) – I loved these people, their kids, and their creative pursuits, and always wanted to support and uplift them. I am sad about it. But. I am okay with moving forward without them, knowing that they were judging and hiding so much from me.

So. Breaking bonds … and restoring them?

What if we talk things through before we break apart? Harm prevention and relationship maintenance feel like the work. And time. And space. And self-reflection.

What have been the defining wounds of your life—and how have you healed them?
Defining wounds are still healing. Scar tissue gets inflamed sometimes! I heard Elizabeth Gilbert talking on the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast with Glennon Doyle + Abby + Sister about her love addiction and codependency. Hearing her talk about this really struck a chord with me. I think, like any good girl growing up in the 80’s watching Disney movies, I’ve been “waiting for my Prince to come” and make my life beautiful. Or, make my LIFE.

As we swim in our (hopefully, last dying gasps of) patriarchal, capitalist society, it’s often felt to me that being married, or partnered, probably with children, is the goal and everything else falls short. Then our (a woman’s) life can have meaning. I don’t believe this at all for anyone unpartnered, unmarried, or childless. However, I regret to say that I have put SERIOUS effort into having amazing romantic relationships. Delusional fantasties and obsessions of an intimate partner/soulmate reality that – if only I can meet the right person – that allll will be well. We’ll be supported, riding off into the sunset with all of our needs and desires met, ready to face the obstacles of a universe at battle with itself, and we’ll be together.

Alas, this dream has not come true and I’m trying to let it die. I have deep wounding from relationship betrayals … that often have to do with ME, and also my partners from those times. My own self-abondonment for the sake of this romantic ideal. If I can just be the sweet one, generous, tending, funny, charming, adorable, talented, delightful, giving, brilliant, lustful, beautiful, energetic, caring, witty, connecting … and abandon all things like basic administrative work, taxes, cleaning house, folding laundry, cooking dinner, as well as my own creative WORK for the sake of winning this dream love.

And! A few partners have cheated or had emotional affairs; and a few were damagingly emotionally abusive. So, there is a pattern going on here and sadly I’m the common denominator! AND I’m learning. I truly would love a beautiful and healthy relationship. Just have to figure out how to do that and I guess it starts with me. That’s what I keep hearing, anyway.

This year … I felt like my heart changed shape from emotional distress ~ was it a takotsubo cardiomyopathy? I thought I was having a heart attack multiple times! This heartbreak plus an accumulation from my first heartbreak 30 years ago, from tough relationships after being sexually assaulted 20 years ago (which never goes away but we are survivors).

It’s time to sift through the sorrows and cleanse. Another image that I love to feel into is Kintsugi – the form of Japanese pottery that, when broken, the cracks are repaired with gold to become even more valuable. And, as the late great Leonard Cohen sings, “The cracks are how the light gets in.”

And amidst the inner turmoil of late, much has been done. Released a new album, have been co-facilitating a yoga teacher training, hosting retreats around the world … I tell my students, listeners, and YOU dear reader – that I have not been okay this year … I am not perfect … I was shattered but doing my best and showing up when I can, and resting when I can. I am messy. Hopefully a beautiful mess.

And, we keep going.

How am I healing this?

Time. Space. Self-reflection. Spending time in nature. A LOT of crying. Songwriting. Talking to a few select friends. Taking my power back. A romantic relationship is not going to be the end-all. We still (I still) have myself to contend with. And … I’m a lot. And I’m a LOT of sweetness, magic, and have a lot of dreams to pursue … and a lot of love to give and a lot of humanity to fight for. And, My heart is worth it. I only have to believe that. It’s not all super fun to look at. But … I’m looking. And I do feel that healing is happening. Slowly … geologically, like how wind and water carves out a cavern or rolls that stone downstream softening the edges. I live in hope.

Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. Is the public version of you the real you?
What a wonderful and mind-bending question. I would say yes, and also there are some things that happen privately that allow me to be this way to the public world. As mentioned, I share A LOT – and quite vulnerably – and try and be as raw, real, and transparent as my insides are. And yet, I do cry more in solitude than I do in public. However I have been known to cry on stage or sometimes at tender moments during teaching. I might dissocciate from time to time in public. I was a very shy child and I still feel socially awkward and often want to hide, which has held me back from some social events. Last time I checked with Myers-Briggs I fell one the borderline of the introvert/extrovert spectrum – most of my work is public (teaching, performing, facilitating groups) and find that I need a lot of alone time to recharge. And in this alone time is also where songs are written and dreams/events/experiences to offer to the public are conceived. Sometimes I’d like to be more private/mysterious (and believe me, many people have told me they’d love that, too) however I think by sharing our stories and being raw and real in public can be supportive to others going through similar struggles or joys. So yes. I think my outsides line up with my insides. In fact, today I’m wearing a glittery green t shirt with a leopard and a jaguar on it and I would say I am feeling into these big, strong cat vibes today. Thanks for the opportunity to share these reflections! Meow.

Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. When do you feel most at peace?
I feel most at peace in nature. Walking silently through thick forest. Staring into a body or flow of water – the ocean, Lake Superior, the Mississippi, the Rio Grande, Spirit River where I grew up in Princeton (aka Rum River however the Dakota names for it is Spirit or Mystic River), staring at the vast expanse of mountains as we began this interview – the red rocks of New Mexico. I felt very deeply at peace in my former love’s arms, and I miss that. I feel at peace right now in the casita in New Mexico that Helene Wurlitzer set aside for artists in residence, waking up in the quiet and playing the piano. I feel peace in books and in journaling and writing poetry. I think I’m feeling more peaceful today than I have in awhile. It’s been a challenging year. Thank you for asking.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://marybue.com
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/marybuemusic
• Linkedin: .linkedin.com/in/marybue/
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/marybuemusic
• Youtube: https://youtube.com/marybue
• Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/mary-bue
• Other: Patreon.com/marybue
  Yojitayoga.com

Image Credits
Uschi Gibson
Michael A. Anderson
Raven Roams