Today we’d like to introduce you to Oshun.
Hi Oshun. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
My story is part of an unoriginal trope that is plighting many with neurodivergence in the industry: a misguided, gifted student led astray into the world of adult entertainment. Regarding origin, my aspiration to perform can be traced to a single musical comedy: Cat’s Don’t Dance by Mark Dindahl. It may not have been a cinematic masterpiece; however, the ambitious tale of Danny’s search for stardom sparked synapses in my adolescent brain, which would not settle for the remainder of my life.
At first, the answer was dance. The trio of ballet, tap, and jazz quenched my thirst for performance and structured fun. When that interest passed, I moved on to the theater. I oscillated between plays and extracurriculars from third grade through college. I contemplated starting a YouTube channel and writing scintillating erotic fiction along the way and ended up choosing a less risqué option [Forensics], but I digress. Eventually, I decided I should pursue theater in an academic sense, primarily due to external influence. “If you’re going to do this acting thing, you can’t do it half-assed,” stated a family member as I shared my desire to give it the good ole’ move-to-LA-and-audition-my-ass-off approach. Therefore, I decided college was my only option for success. For financial sake, I attempted to find a career that incorporated aspects of stage life, such as being a hostess and waitress. This came to a halt during the pandemic, and I began researching an industry I always admired behind closed doors: sex work.
There’s always been something about asserting your femininity while stripping, camming, domming, or offering companionship that has always resonated with me. I am in no way attempting to glamorize the industry; it’s one of the most stigmatized and dangerous careers in operation. I’m also not under the impression that the job is easy, but I view it as the ultimate performance. I constantly struggle with indecisiveness, but the industry is diverse, with many avenues of work. When I attended an Amateur Night at a local strip club last October, I discovered something quite powerful about embracing your body on stage for all to admire. With that ego boost, I decided to try my hand at something else: OnlyFans. It was more of a fluttering interest at first, and I never thought I would enjoy it enough to use it as a career path. That was until I created an account last November. I haven’t looked back since.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
The road has been rocky, certainly. Growing up in a predominantly white, Christian rural town as a biracial child wired my psyche in ways I’m still unraveling in therapy. I lived in a single-mother household with my younger sister. Although the town knew we were of the same kin, I was presented with more opportunities and leniencies because I was less ethnically presenting; the Token Mixed Child, as opposed to the Angry Black Girl. My best friends were people-pleasing and perfectionism, and my adolescent brain began equating self-worth with being palatable. I spent my kindergarten through seventh grade in Catholic school. That environment provided patterns my premature brain recognized as the epitome of sophistication.
There were honorable rules and admirable grandiosity to feed the ego [starve the soul]. I didn’t know at the time that adherence to what I deemed “social norms” only served me so long as I could conform. The older I grew, the harder it was to maintain composure. Anxiety, attention, and depression issues became more pronounced. The school became less of a haven and more of a reason to stay in bed most days. Subject matter became challenging, and my attention was fleeting at best. The body dysmorphia that comes with existing outside the beauty standard was harder to ignore with the influx of puberty at the age of 10. It’s difficult not to feel inherently sexualized with how women of color are exploited in media and pop culture while simultaneously feeling completely undesirable. I spent eleven years fighting a personal battle with bulimia. I longed for a connection with my father and his side of the family… for any connection with those sharing my African heritage. I wanted to embrace my heritage and try out protective styles. Still, I held back because of how others perceived blackness—which constantly distorted my self-perception. Middle school through college was the same story of what happens when mental illness and neurodevelopmental disorders are perceived as character traits and not medical conditions requiring accommodations.
Additionally, I discovered by trial and error this past year that executive function skills are crucial to managing entrepreneurial endeavors successfully. I may have done my research before diving into the industry, but only hands-on experience can prepare you for essentially running your own business. Holding myself accountable for managing the content creation, marketing, accounting, logistics, and engagement was especially taxing without ADHD medication. My social media presence was nonexistent, which was another obstacle to navigate. The market is oversaturated, the consumers want freebies, and boundaries are pushed. No matter what, you have to hold your ground and assert your dominance. Perhaps most importantly, you have to learn never to allow the price of your content to affect your self-worth.
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I create, market, and sell whimsically edited self-shot boudoir[ish] photos and adult content. This is primarily by means of OnlyFans since it has the most name recognition amongst subscribers. In the future, I hope to see more platforms emerge with actual respect for sex workers, but sometimes you have to work with what’s available. Five months into my career, I secured my first professional shoot with a well-known company, which was enthralling. The studio specializes in capturing women au naturel and sans Photoshop. I can say without reservations it is a lovely way to be photographed, and I never realized some companies prefer to shoot women in that manner. Many of the industry is archaic and thrives on toxic masculinity, so that was an endearing experience. I had my first creative photoshoot September 10th and I can’t wait to see the outcome.
Almost a year has passed since I entered this career, and I’m still in the beginning stages of building a niche, discovering my aesthetic, and crafting my brand. The longer I’m involved, the more I wonder how I will evolve. My past desires for YouTube content and erotic fiction continue to burn at the back of my brain, along with avenues I’ve not fully explored. I often wish I had taken a graphic design course or two during my short affairs in college. Maybe I wouldn’t be devoting so much time to Googling “fundamentals of type psychology” or “elements of brand identity.” I aim to save money to finish my theater degree and branch into English or Cognitive Science. In the future, I desire to collaborate with more local professionals, develop my portfolio and start dancing. One day everything will come full circle. I invite you all to embark with me on this journey!
The crisis has affected us all in different ways. How has it affected you, and any important lessons or epiphanies you can share with us?
Yes, a few things. Proper diagnoses and medication ease a significant amount of stress. So many of us with neurodivergence embark on a nonconsensual journey with uninformed providers, cycle through numerous prescriptions, and hope one day it will all be worth the exhaustion. For 23 years I was under the impression my diagnoses were all accounted for, until TikTok put #actuallyautistic videos on my For You Page. This isn’t to say we should place collective faith into social media algorithms; however, seven months later I scored 184 on the RAADS-R. Learning I was on the spectrum led me to reevaluate how I view the relationship between self-concept and self-esteem. An understanding of self-perception is integral to pursuing the life you want to live.
Until the pandemic, my purpose was to craft my reality in a way that would put my peers at ease. My educational, occupational, and personal decisions were influenced by other people’s perceptions of my abilities. College is where former gifted students go, regardless of their executive dysfunction and [anti]social skills. I tried twice, stayed afloat for a while, and dropped out. Waitressing is where the money resides, and burnout is inevitable; I had to suck it up. The more I worked, the further I strayed from the only thing I cared about: performing. Once the pandemic hit, I put my life on hold. Coping with unforeseen circumstances and interrupted routines are not my strong suit; however, I suppose now I can view it as a well-timed reality check. I often find myself reflecting on this quote by the late Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.: “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” Years of my life have been wasted attempting to find the perfect balance between self-preservation and self-actualization. Ironically, the former often masquerades as self-denial, and the latter cannot be brought to fruition until all physiological, safety, love, and esteem needs are met. When one exists in a chronic state of fight or flight, attempts to break the cycle can instead manifest as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A majority of my life the catalysts propelling me forward were my fears of abandonment, rejection, and embarrassment. You reach a point when fear no longer serves its purpose and must discover what internal motivation lies within. Although it manifests differently in everyone, my journey to enlightenment would not have existed without sex work. I’m learning to value putting my wants, needs, and desires above others for the first time in my life. Only time will tell where this leads, but I am no longer worried.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lil_miss_oshun
